loveedition | starsand // starnet DM / open post

I think I was wrong from the start. I shouldn't have taken this so far. It's cruel of me to try something like that and get someone's hopes up.

Ryoko…

Mm. It would hurt if that was the case. But I don’t think that’s what happened. You’re being hard on yourself again.

Hey. Could you eat oden if I brought it?

...I could yeah.

Alright!

I’m bringing something over. We can talk in person. Is that okay?

Okay. That's fine. Thank you again, Yuuto.

You’re welcome, Ryoko. I’ll see you really soon.]

[Which isn’t a lie! With his power being what it is, Yuuto is able to speed the cooking process. The hardest part is creativity packing what is essentially hot pot.

When he arrives at her house a few minutes later, Yuuto knocks with one hand while the other holds the packed soup and some boxed side dishes.]

[ Were Ryoko in a better mood, she'd make it a point to give Yuuto grief over that. Something about how you can't just accelerate time, every second you spend making oden is important!

But right now, as she opens her door, she just gives him a very weary smile. ]

Hey. Thanks for coming.

[Yuuto returns the expression, lifting the containers just slightly so that she'll notice he kept his word. There's something a bit sad about how these are the circumstances within which he gets to cook a meal for her. It's also kind of depressing that this is when he gets to say her name aloud for the first time.]

Mm. I missed you, Ryoko.

May I come in or..? [Maybe she wants to be alone?]

[ It's so odd to hear her name like that from Yuuto... but, she doesn't mind it. She just nods. ]

Mm. Of course.

[ She steps aside, letting him through. Her eyes are certainly red, but not quite as bad as it was before. ]

[Yuuto bows before entering, checking if she has a pile of shoes at the door to indicate if he should take his off or not. Once inside, he looks for a place to set the containers down.]

I brought a few side dishes in case you aren’t feeling up to anything flavorful…

[The redness of her eyes isn’t lost on him. Yuuto smiles sympathetically.]

May I use your kitchen and silverware? You can just relax.

[ There is indeed a pile of shoes, and Ryoko at least decides to lead him there. ]

I don't mind. Just... let me know if you need any help.

[ As always. ]

I will. Thank you.

[He knows how much it sucks to feel useless when all you want to do is help people.

The cupboards begin to open on their own, plates and cutlery moving about thanks to Yuuto's power. He focuses on opening the containers that he brought, checking that the oden and rice all traveled safely.]

Did you sleep okay? We were worrying about you last night... [Akutagawa and him.]

Mm, not really. Aisaka-san kept me company at least.

[ She didn't have to, not for that long. Yet, she still stuck around despite how mopey she was. Not that she thought she deserved it. ]

...hey... are you sure they're not mad at me? I know Fauna's close with the other members of her agency...

Aisaka-san did, hm? I'm glad. [He'll have to figure out a snack to give Taiga as a show of gratitude.

Yuuto pauses, about to transfer the broth to a bowl, and nods.]

Mm. I'm definitely sure: No one would be mad at you. Akutagawa isn't. You've been nothing but kind. Knowing that, I'm sure everyone realizes that you would never hurt Fauna-chan out of malicious intent.

I wouldn't say that as it pertains to him... but, I think that's something we managed to fix until... all of this.

[ She leans against a counter, mulling over how she should approach this. ]

One of the replies on the questions I put up... it made sense. I know you don't like to hear it, but... I think a lot of this is just me lashing out at myself. It's probably why I don't like being alone here, and I'm always trying to help someone. The longer I'm alone and I'm not helping anyone, I feel everything I'm running from catching up to me.

...you were right, I think. I wanted someone to scold me.

[She's right. He doesn't necessarily like hearing that. But not because it makes him angry at her or frustrated that she didn't give that answer when he had asked. It worries him. He doesn't like hearing that Ryoko is seeking something so sad.

Yuuto pauses his task. His power can handle it for a moment anyway, while he steps closer and gently places his hands on her shoulders. If only for a moment, so as to show her that she's his top concern and that he wants to help ground her.]

I see. That sounds really scary. Having everything creep up at you at once sounds really overwhelming...

Do you have any ideas for other ways to deal with that?

...well...

[ It was something she was half mulling over at the time. She was thinking about it, as if it were some way to at least talk to herself for a bit... ]

Someone else suggested maybe starting a journal. Something so I can at least get my thoughts out somewhere, and be able to look at things later on.

[ Incidentally.

She realizes. It might be time to send a certain somebody another care package. ]

That sounds like a great idea, mm. Then you can slowly get it out of your head.

[Yuuto lets the meal serve itself behind them while they talk.]

I’m happy for you, Ryoko. That must not have been an easy thing to realize… and now you can take the steps to look after yourself.

Yeah. I mean...

[ She glances down at the floor. Stomach churning a bit. ]

I guess...

It's... kind of the same problem you said you have.

[…]

S-So um!!! Your oden is ready! Uh sit down and I’ll serve you right away!

H-hey! I'm in the middle of a breakthrough here?!

[ Yuuto, you...! Ugh, you're lucky that she won't let oden be disrespected in this house. She'll go and sit down then, kind of pouting. ]

R-Right sorry uh!!!

[He takes his seat, but the belt tail of him is turned at all kinds of anxious angles. Yuuto doesn’t want this to turn towards him. He wants to focus on Ryoko!!!]

C, continue. I’m listening!!

Then please, listen.

[ Even as she sits down and looks at the oden, which... that does look really good, actually--

She knows that they'll keep avoiding their issues if she doesn't say anything. ]

...I made a wish to know that my best friend would be happy without me protecting her. I made it because I was scared of leaving her, even though she had someone else by her side already. That's when my life came to an end as it was.

Even so... about a year into being a magi, I had a dream. It felt really odd, like it lasted an entire year, but I was back home. I went through my third year of high school with her and her boyfriend, I told her I was leaving, and it made her upset. It was because despite everything, I hadn't considered that she'd miss me when I was gone. When I woke up, it felt like an entire year had passed, but it had only been a week. I woke up to find Aisaka-san crying, upset that I had been gone... because she missed me.

[ She plucks at the oden prepared for her, surprisingly... not tearing up. Maybe she's all cried out for the time being. ]

I had thought... how could I do that? I had no control over it the second time, but how could I have left my friend for a full year, knowing that she would have missed me? How can I consider myself a kind person if I had abandoned my best friend when she needed me the most? For the sake of a group that I was certain I was getting in the way of. That had to stop countless times to save me from myself.

...

[ Ryoko sighs. Her heart feels heavy. ]

If we throw all of our heart at others... then we won't recognize when we're crumbling until it's too late. We'll forget ourselves, and wind up hurting the ones who care about us. But taking all of that time to beat ourselves up isn't good either. So maybe... it's okay to be selfless sometimes, and maybe it's okay to be selfless for completely selfish reasons.

I wanted Fauna to feel loved, because that would make her happy and would make me feel like I was helping her. I don't want Aisaka-san to be alone, because she'd be miserable otherwise and I'd feel responsible for it. [ A small, hesitant pause... ] Even helping you has been kind of self serving. I didn't want you to disappear for Akutagawa-san and Inaba-san's sake... but also because, I didn't want to lose my friend either. I still don't. I just thought, their needs outweighed mine completely.

So maybe it's... best that I focus on myself for a while. Try to figure out what I can do for myself. What really does make me happy, for me.

[ ...... ]

Aaaaah, I'm trying to say that I'm forgiving myself for this mess! Sorry, sorry, I'll forgive myself for that, but not if your oden gets cold...!

[ She needs to start eating like, now?! ]

[Yuuto listens attentively… and, while she talks, he does use his power to preserve the heat of the oden. Hearing her reach this conclusion leaves him feeling strangely at peace. It’s like a weight has been lifted for him too, because he doesn’t have to worry about her as much anymore. Ryoko has figured out how to help herself. She’s going to be more selfish and she’s going to healthier and safer than before.

Even when she panics and apologizes about not eating, Yuuto doesn’t touch his own small serving. He can’t take his eyes off of her yet.]

Ryoko… I’m so glad. I’m so glad that you figured that out.

Thank goodness… You finally accepted your apology.

[He lifts his spoon, finally sampling the broth and laughing softly now that her reaction registers.]

Do you have any idea how you want to start?

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