loveedition | starsand // starnet DM / open post

I don’t care.

You shouldn’t either.

Everyone should stop caring, please.

Just keep an eye out for her. I’ll stay out of the way.

Are you serious?! Where are you?! What happened, Yuuto-kun?!

I don’t know. She left me here. But I can’t see.

Isn’t that funny?

Inaba left me. Blind and scared.

That’s my fault anyway. I’m a real idiot. I never had a good quality anyway. She never said anything nice about me.

That’s fine. This is fine.

I give up. You all win.

What are you talking about?! Don't be stupid!

This isn't fine at all!

I told you already, couples have fights, they have disagreements

Please. Please don't give up.

I'm going to find you. Please. Don't leave. Don't give up, Yuuto-kun.

Asakura is so kind. I’m so lucky we were friends.

But it’s okay now.

For a little while, I was really happy. Thank you. I got to have people that I love. I know what it feels like now. I know why you want to go home.

I want to protect that for everyone. You have people you loved for more then two weeks. I want you to see them again.

So a Rumor

About defeating a Spacetime Kami to go home

That kind of Rumor could be popular. I wouldn’t mind it?

I don't WANT to go home! I don't have a home anymore! Everyone I love is HERE!

Do you really think I'm going to spread that kind of stupid rumor?! I don't WANT to hurt you!

But I did. This is because I asked her to check on you, isn't it?

I'm sorry.

This isn't okay... please. please. dont go, yuuto-kun.

Asakura, please don’t be upset. It isn’t your fault.

You were protecting me, right? Thank you.

I’ll be okay. I thought about it a lot

And she’s right. I was a liar this whole time. What is there here to love? You scratch me with loneliness and I lose my mind.

No, I never really had it to begin with.

i'm not upset at you.

how am i supposed to look at inaba-san and not be angry about this?

you aren't a liar. you don't know who you are. you're trying to figure it out. we're all trying to figure it out together.

[ Unfortunately, after that one, a voice popped in her head.

'But you've made up your mind, haven't you?' ]

i'll miss you. i'm sorry. i wanted to learn more about you. i wanted to tell you about fauna. i wanted to tell you that i was happy. i never wanted to take you away from inaba-san or akutagawa-san but

i love you, yumeno yuuto. if i have to meet another 'yuuto', i'll do my best to get along with them too.

Because I still love her. Inaba-san is the most amazing girl I know.

I’m really glad that you’re happy. You deserve a lot of nice things. You’re always helping people.

Even now

Asakura how do I stop crying

This is stupid

yuuto-kun. i'm not a good person.

i lied to fauna. i transformed without telling her. i told her i loved her even though i can't tell what that means for sure.

all i do is cause trouble. one of aisaka-san's last memories of me before we came here was me covered in my own blood because i was stupid enough to care too much about a group of people who hate me. i was stupid enough to try to die in front of my best friend. i love her and i can't even tell her.

please. where are you? if anything, i want to say goodbye.

Don’t you already say it every day with your actions? It looks like love to me.

I don’t know where I am.

My eyes aren’t working. There’s water. I think I’m at a river.

Help me. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m not brave enough to be kind either

I can’t spread the Rumor

don't. i won't spread it.

there's a river, i'll look. please, stay with me. i'll stay out as long as i can. keep talking to me.

you've shown me nothing but kindness. i hurt you and your family, and you still told me i had a place here. you've tried to cheer me up, tried to cheer all of us up, you put on a party where i could finally, actually, relax.

that's why i wanted to help you. that's why i want to help you. at least for tonight.

whoever you are, whoever you were, i won't let you be alone. i'll bring you to akutagawa-san, or satou, or shugo, or any one in your family. you can come with me, and aisaka-san.

[ She. Really doesn't know if she should bring this part into it, but. ]

you see people for more than they are, yuuto-kun. inaba-san told me that, and i agree with her. if you can see how i express my love to my friends, then your vision is better than mine.

can you hear anything else?

[Yuuto wouldn’t be able to go anywhere anyway. He’s tired. Finding the water was an instinct, because it usually comforts him.

Even hearing all of that, Yuuto can’t be happy. He’s only confused. If he had this kind of ability, then why is he sitting alone at the river right now? He wonders who Inaba was really talking about when she said those things. It wasn’t him. It’s never been him.]

There’s a shopping district

A conbini. It must be open.

… Asakura

Thank you.

I won’t be an idiot. I’ll

At least wait for you.

thank you.

[ Ryoko can barely see past her tears and her frustration. The full story is missing, and as much as she wants to tear it out of Inaba this instant, she's tactful enough to know that whatever's going on, she wouldn't feel good about it either. All she can do is leave, is run, is try to find this river and eventually, change direction and go to that conbini.

In her heart, this was something she needed to do. She couldn't keep magi from killing each other. She couldn't save Miki Morikawa, or Sachiko Hatsu. Her best friend had to carry her nearly-dead body to safety.

She wasn't going to stop running until she found the shopping district-- until she found Yuuto. ]

[Oh right. He should have mentioned the thread sound: That he’s crying. And as someone who rarely cries, this is unfamiliar and he’s not sure how to stop it. Yuuto has a hundred years worth of tears to add to the river as he sits and waits. When he hears someone arrives and looks towards them, he sees that their soul is separate from their body.

It takes him a minute to piece things together. As easy as it would be to ignore her, Yuuto reaches out blindly and looks up with glowing pink eyes.]

Asakura..?

[ Ryoko slows, finally getting a glimpse at him. She wanted to scream, blinking her own tears away before she catches his face. Confused, eyes striking to an extent she's never seen before.

She's not ready for this--

But she's going to make herself ready.

She steps forward to take both of his hands, slowly, carefully. ]

I'm here. It's me.

[ Her voice is shaky, and her breathing strained. But, she has to be calmer than this. ]

It's okay. It's okay, I'm here, Yuuto.

[ She drops the honorific, trying not to let the sheer desperation come through in her voice. ]

[In the back of his mind, Yuuto has been thinking about what Ryoko said before: That she wasn’t a good person. That she had reasons and they probably seemed valid in her head. He’s wanted to be gloomy and selfish and indulge in his misery, but he keeps coming back to that and the fact she was looking for him.

Seeing her like this cements something in his heart. Yuuto hears her desperation and, despite himself, manages a little laugh when she takes his hands. He grips hers for only a minute, then switches to gently hugging her.]

Mm. You saved me.

[Maybe he’s reading into it, but Ryoko might be looking for someone other than him too. She did admit to a lot of trauma just then. He doesn’t want for her to think that her efforts were in vain, even if he can’t cure his hurt immediately.]

Are you okay? You sound sad.

[ That hug nearly tore her to shreds. She doesn't try to move, only lightly wrapping one arm around him, the other rubbing at her eyes. ]

Of course I'm not okay. I almost lost my friend--

[ And she still might. She's not foolish enough to think this will be okay in the end... and she can't keep from sounding downtrodden as a result. ]

I'm so sorry. I don't get it, but I know I caused all this. I don't want you to go...!

[Yuuto hums along, using upward notes to silently argue with her hopeless sound. He’s not stupid either. He knows that this can’t be fixed easily, if at all. A voice gnaws at his subconscious, telling him he’s going to keep repeating this cycle of pain: Loving without return, screwing up, being replaced. Yuuto can’t unlearn that.

But Ryoko isn’t part of that. If anything, he’s very worried about her mood and how she said her soul gem worked with stress.

Yuuto pats her back as well.]

I forgive you. I’m not mad. Apology accepted, okay?

Can you forgive yourself too? I’m not letting go until you try.

[ He's not mad. How can he even say something like that? How could he not be mad at her?

...she has to ask. ]

Please. I want to know... what happened?

That’s not forgiving yourself.

[Yuuto is gentle about the reminder. He doesn’t want for Ryoko to hurt anymore. She’s in enough pain in his behalf.

But then she asks and he laughs weakly, not sure how to answer.]

Inaba… -san, um. Realized she maybe didn’t love me after all… Maybe… She liked the idea of Yuuto…

[His voice shakes, but Yuuto tries to steady himself for her.]

… Inaba must be so lonely right now, huh?

...I knew it.

[ Ryoko, for her effort, doesn't sound angry. It's hard to disguise her disappointment, but it's... completely inward. She brought this up, she asked Inaba about this, and...

...they broke up. Didn't they?

She can't forgive herself. ]

...I'll talk to her later.

I don't know how she thinks, but if you still care about her that much, I'll do what I can. Just... please, understand.

[ ...how did 'that person' phrase it before? ]

Love... sometimes, can be a powerful delusion. It's not something anyone is immune to. When you see someone, it's so easy to think to yourself, I love that person.

It just takes time to figure it out definitively. Do I love them? Do I love how they make me feel? Do I love the idea of who they are?

It's... not easy. The guy I liked before, I thought of him as a unflappable hero, but I just liked that image. It didn't change how I cared for him, it just... wasn't the same. I...

[ Ryoko Asakura. This is not about you.

She takes a deep breath. ]

...will... I see you again? I mean... the you that you are now?

[He’s quiet, because every word that she says is twisting the knife and he’s too tired to be hurt anymore.]

… Everything she ever told me… was a delusion..? Inaba…

[Yuuto goes quiet.

Then shakes his head, slowly pulling apart the hug.]

Asakura. Forgiveness. [He brings it back to her, the one person who he knows how to help.] It’s not your fault. Inaba isn’t so weak that someone can casually influence her choices. She makes them seriously and she puts her heart into them.

If this is her choice, then I…

I love her so much. Every day, I love her more… She’s put a lot of thought into this. I respect her. But I won’t have you belittling how seriously she probably thought about this. Okay?

...I don't think she was delusional at all. That's why it "can" be, not that it "is". We can't make decisions like that in the moment, still. I'm sure she's put a lot of thought into it, but sometimes you still need a little more time.

If there's one thing I'm certain of... it's that she cares about the man in front of me. If she needs time to figure out if it's the idea of 'Yuuto' she cares about or the person she spent so much time with, I trust you to give her that. You told me before... you have more time than most.

[ ...but, his words cut through her like a knife. She can't do it, but she can... give him a smile.

Fake it until you make it. ]

I'll do my best to forgive myself. But you have to do the same too, okay?

starsand // starnet DM / open post

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