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"...Would you tell me about it?" he asks, voice quiet as he stares at the door. If she could tell him then, he could be honest with her too. Right?

Ryoko turns quiet, staring a bit at the... whatever the hell that thing is, seriously, it's oozing and weird.

She'd definitely have to tell him everything. But... starting with her arm.

"When we were fighting that moon... I got a horrible, terrible headache. I didn't know what it was, and I couldn't figure it out at all. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a grotesque monster approaching, and I panicked. I thought it was a part of the Nightmare... so I tried to shoo it away, and I wound up cutting its leg. Another came by, grabbed onto me, and I cut its arm.

They... they were magi. I didn't see it at the time, but when I left to clear my head for a while, I came back and saw one with a cut leg and... and, Aisaka-san with a cut arm. Even though I thought I was helping and keeping myself safe... I wound up hurting my best friend. So..."

Ryoko outstretched an arm-- the same one she presented to Taiga, that night.

"I let her hit me back. She didn't hold back at all... she shouldn't have."

"Dude." Sollux says, in shock for a moment as the information sinks in. He knew about the Doll's nightmare, if that's even what it was, but he never knew Ryoko had done that, or that she'd let herself be injured.

"...That's fucked up." The really fucked up part was that Aisaka hadn't held back. Ryoko's actions were a mistake, Taiga's had been purposeful. He pulls his knees to his chest, sitting with his feet resting on the couch. He gestures to the spot beside him with a nod of his head.

"Come on, sit down." Don't let her too close, don't let your guard down, she could hurt you too, she could kill you.

"You were really okay with your friend hurting you like that?"

Ryoko nods, taking her seat... just a bit far from where Sollux was. It wasn't polite to sit that close to begin with, so it'd be better to just keep a distance for now so that it's comfortable. Well... as comfortable as it could be.

Her arm ached in her mind, though there was no real pain. It didn't hurt, being attacked, but...

"Me hurting her... knowing that I did that hurts more than anything Aisaka-san could've done to me." She sighs, just about mimicking Sollux's actions, knees close to her.

"She... she seemed hurt too. Not just from me cutting her arm, but that I took care of her and treated her as a best friend, and turned around and attacked her. She only hit me twice-- but I didn't think she'd ever forgive me, even if I let her hit me a thousand times."

It was worse, of course. Taiga blamed herself, and was even convinced that Ryoko went to her house, not to apologize but to reprimand her for hitting her back. In the end...

"It didn't make either of us feel better. All I did was make Aisaka-san feel worse."

"Of course it did." Only a monster could feel better after hurting their own friend. Now they both shared the same guilt, that wasn't any kind of solution. Taiga should have known that wouldn't have helped. Likewise Ryoko should have known that wouldn't have helped too.

"Have you guys... Talked about it?

"Y...Yeah. We're over it now."

At least, she thinks she is. Ryoko, for all she knows... might have made things worse recently and reopened an old wound, so to speak.

"It just felt like the right thing to do at the time. Otherwise... otherwise, I was sure Aisaka-san would hate me. She'd hate me just as much as Sakura-san does."

His gaze darkens as she mentions Kyouko's name. He doesn't hate her as much after everything that's happened. Compared to everything else, his death at her hands even seemed merciful now. Still, he doesn't like her and hearing her name makes him scowl.

"Who cares what she thinks?"

With a sigh, she rests back against the couch, head craned against the back.

"Yeah, you're right."

Not that she didn't feel bothered by it. By what she said at the end. She could hear it just as she went to close the mirror... 'Don't like having your hypocrisy pointed out to you, Asakura?' In the end, they stole her information, and she was the one in the right.

For as much as she didn't want to care about what she thought, that opinion still bothered the hell out of her.

"...when did everything get so terrible? It's been bad... but it's never been this bad."

Edited 2016-09-02 20:41 (UTC)

He doesn't move or answer for a moment when she says that. Her words make him look back on the week, on things he wishes he didn't remember. He knew the exact moment things went from bad to worse even though he wishes he didn't. He hides his face in his knees trying not to get swept up in the memories.The worst part was that he thought it was going to be better here, or if not better, at least not worse.

"I think I'm going insane."

"Mm."

Of course, Sollux had the worst of it, from what she can tell. Whatever happened between him and that girl had to have been really dire, even if she didn't kill him. It was bad enough that it kept him feeling really upset, and in the end... triggered a Nightmare. It had to be bad. Even now, as she gazes at him, he seems beside himself.

"I think we're all feeling like that. But... even if you do, I'll try to keep you from going completely insane. Just... do the same for me, alright?"

He wants to say "yes," that he'll look out for her, but he knew the truth was that he couldn't. He was a failure. Someone like him couldn't be of any use to someone like Ryoko. Even now he was only surviving because of Madoka's strength. He was leaning on her for support, more than a moirail should. He was taking, without giving anything back. He felt awful about it, but still that was all he could really do. He had to try to survive, get by despite what his brain was telling. Even though he'd said "going insane" earlier, Sollux was pretty sure he was already there. He doesn't even understand why Ryoko would ask him to do that. He wasn't strong and he wasn't smart. He didn't have anything.

"...I can't even go outside by myself. How could I possibly help you?"

"Maybe you can pull me out of it."

That's how it had to be, right? As much as she didn't want to say that, if she was on a rampage, someone would have to be able to take her out... and she had to trust someone to do it, and hopefully not... not go too far.

"Time heals all wounds... it'll be scary for a while, but given enough time, you'll be able to help everyone. And... I definitely want your help."

He turns his head, looking at her. She wanted his help. She believed he could get better. As stupid as it feels, he's so grateful to hear those words. It was nice to have someone believe in you, even if you couldn't believe in yourself.

"I'll try. I'll do whatever it takes. I don't want to let anything happen to anyone here."

It's the kind of thing he would normally never say aloud, but getting torn down, getting help from so many others, he felt like all his walls had been torn down. He had no choice, but to be honest, to say what he really feels, even if it's embarrassing as hell. He blushes yellow before hiding his face again.

"Don't tell anybody I said that."

That was her true strength. No, she didn't like using her knife on others and she probably would be completely useless in a fight. But as a person, Ryoko never gave less than 100% when she went to help someone else. She believed, deep deep down, that with the right support from her and everyone else in town, Sollux could still regain his confidence. It wasn't impossible.

That was the most optimistic thing he'd said to date, and Ryoko just beams regardless.

"Your secret's safe with me, Sollux. I promise."

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